He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
