Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
