I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
