I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
