I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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