I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
