We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
