Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
