Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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