Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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