It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize