my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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