I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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