He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
