The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
