my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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