I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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