You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize