there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
