Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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