you would pick up someone in the library
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They are going to name an STD after you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize