There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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