This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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