ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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