At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
