I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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