Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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