I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
