Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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