Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
