fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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