**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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