i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
