what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
