I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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