its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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