dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
