i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
