why didn't you poke me back
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
