i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
