Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
