he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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