He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
