Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
