I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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