What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
