wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Randomize