I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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