"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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