Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
