Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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