Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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