um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize