i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
