What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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