i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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