please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My pussy is not your playground.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We are two peas in an std pod
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
