But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
