I am in a vortex of obligation.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize