he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your cock deserves a montage
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
