I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
