I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
