So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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