Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
