In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
