found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
pray to the hookup gods
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
