I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
