i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
