i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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