My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
