I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
