I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
