people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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