He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
