I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
