just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
