My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
