clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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