My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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