normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
