They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
