It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
