Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize