I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
