You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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