We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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